At 62, I had an evening wedding to go to and every dress in the shops was strapless. This is a letter about the black lace dress that covered my arms and still turned heads
Six things this long-sleeved lace evening dress gets right that the usual "dress and a pashmina" never did, from a Perth woman who wanted to feel elegant at a wedding without baring a thing she didn't want to.
Maggie Whitfield · 62 · Perth, WA · 5 min read
I'm 62, and in September the invitation came for my nephew Tom's wedding: a winery in the Swan Valley, ceremony at four, reception into the evening. I was thrilled for him, and I spent the next three weeks in fitting rooms getting steadily more miserable. Strapless. Spaghetti straps. Cut-out shoulders. One dress had a slit up to somewhere I haven't shown anyone since 1987. And everything with sleeves looked like it was meant for a woman twice my age who had given up. My plan B was the same as every wedding for twenty years: a sleeveless dress, a pashmina, and a whole evening spent hitching it back onto my shoulders. So this is not a review. It's a woman who left the pashmina at home, telling you what she wore.
The dress I'm writing about is the Arabella, a black lace evening dress from the Wedding Guest collection at Perth Boutique, a small Australian boutique that dresses women our age. Lorraine found it, naturally, and sent it with one line: "Sleeves, Mags. Lace sleeves." My first thought was that my mother would have had a fit at black at a wedding. My second was that it was the most elegant thing I'd seen in three weeks. When Perth Boutique later asked if they could share my letter, I said yes, on the condition I could be completely honest in it.
Here's what three weeks of fitting rooms taught me. Most "occasion" dresses are designed as if the only women going to weddings are thirty and have arms they want to show off. And most dresses designed for women our age seem to think we want to disappear. I didn't want to be the bride. I didn't want to be invisible either. I wanted to be the elegant aunt, with my arms covered, warm enough when the evening came in, and lovely in the photos.
I didn't want to be the bride. I didn't want to be invisible either. I wanted to be the elegant aunt.
The Arabella is the first evening dress in years that let me be exactly that, and having worn it to Tom's wedding and to a fortieth birthday dinner since, I can tell you it comes down to six things.
Covered, without looking covered up
This is what I'd been searching for. The Arabella has a high mock neck and long lace sleeves, so my arms, shoulders and neck are covered from start to finish. But because it's lace, it doesn't feel heavy or buttoned-up. You can see a hint of skin through the pattern, which is just enough to feel like an evening dress and not a school uniform. No jacket over the top. No pashmina sliding off. Nothing to hitch.
Four o'clock ceremony among the vines. Not a single tug at my shoulders the whole way through. My sister-in-law spent it wrestling her wrap. I said nothing. Smugly.
Ruffled cuffs and a lace you want to look at
The lace is all-over and rich, with a romantic floral pattern, and the sleeves finish in delicate ruffled cuffs that flutter at the wrist. It's the detail that keeps the dress from feeling stern. Holding a glass of champagne, those cuffs did all the talking. It's romantic and grown-up at the same time, which is exactly what you want at a wedding when you're 62.
The bride's grandmother came over during canapés just to touch my sleeve and say, "Now that's how you do lace." I nearly cried into my champagne.
A lined, fitted bodice, and an honest word about the fit
I'll be straight with you: this is a fitted dress. It follows your figure rather than floating away from it, and I was nervous about that at first. But the bodice is softly lined, so it's smooth and polished, not see-through where it matters, and the lace has a slight stretch, so it moves with you rather than holding you in. I followed the size chart, which says to choose the larger size if you're between sizes, and I'm glad I did. It fitted like it was made for me.
Sat through a three-course dinner and the speeches. Comfortable, and I stood up just as smooth as I sat down. Ray said I looked "like a film star." He's had two glasses of the shiraz, but still.
Sheer lace below the knee that flares as you walk
Below the knee, the lace turns sheer and opens out into a fluted hem, and this is where the dress becomes something special. It moves when you walk. It swirls when you turn. Walking across the lawn at sunset, I felt like I was floating, and when the band started, I danced. I haven't danced at a wedding since my own daughter's.
Danced with Tom for one song. He said, "Aunty Mags, you look amazing." I told him it was his day. He said, "It can be both."
Black lace that's right for an evening, and every evening after
My mother's rule was no black at weddings. But this isn't funeral black. It's evening black, black lace at a night reception, and it was the most elegant thing in the room. The other thing about a black lace dress is that it doesn't sit in the wardrobe after the wedding. I've already worn it to a fortieth birthday dinner, and it's earmarked for Christmas drinks and our next anniversary.
Wore it again three weeks later with my pearls. Lorraine said, "Right. That's your dress now." I couldn't agree more.
Sizes S to 2XL, with a proper size chart
The Arabella comes in sizes S to 2XL, and the page has a real size chart with the bust, waist, hip and length of the dress itself in centimetres. Because it's a close-fitting dress, measure yourself, compare it with the chart, and if you're between sizes, go up one, just as the chart says. If you're not sure, ask Perth Boutique's team before you order. They're happy to help. And if the Arabella isn't quite you, the Wedding Guest collection it's in has plenty of other dresses to choose from.
The wedding photos came through. There's one of me laughing at the table in black lace with my arms covered and my chin up. It's on the fridge.
This dress, against the "dress and a pashmina"
Most of us have been making do at weddings for years. Here's the difference, laid out plainly.
Sleeveless, so a wrap stays on all night
Hitching it back onto your shoulders
Cold when the evening comes in
Worn once, then forgotten
Hiding in the back of the photos
A mock neck and long lace sleeves
Nothing to hitch, nothing to hold
Covered and comfortable into the night
Black lace for every evening after
Laughing at the table, chin up
About the price
The Arabella is $85.95 at the moment. The website says it's usually $284. I won't pretend I know what an evening dress like this ought to cost, but I can tell you I've spent more than that on wedding outfits I wore once and never felt right in.
You can split it with Afterpay, which works out at four payments of $21.49, and Zip is there too if that's what you use.
Shipping was free with Australia Post, tracked and insured, and there's a 30-day money-back guarantee if it isn't right. With a wedding date on the fridge, that's what got me to press the button.
size chart
ruffled cuffs
Australia-wide
If you're 55, or 62, or 70, and there's a wedding invitation on your fridge and a pashmina on standby, this is the dress I'd hand you myself, while your size is still there. Leave the wrap at home. Cover your arms in lace. Dance with the groom.
Maggie
Arabella · Black Lace Evening Dress
Afterpay: 4 payments of $21.49 · Zip available
- High mock neck and long lace sleeves
- Delicate ruffled cuffs
- Softly lined, fitted bodice with slight stretch
- Sheer lace below the knee flaring to a fluted hem
- All-over black lace, perfect for evening weddings
- Sizes S to 2XL · size chart on the page
- FREE shipping Australia-wide & 30-day money-back guarantee
Find the Arabella in the Wedding Guest collection, alongside the other occasion dresses.
About the writer. Maggie Whitfield is 62 and lives in Perth with her husband Ray, a lemon tree that produces more than they can eat, and a standing Thursday coffee with Lorraine. She worked as a dental receptionist for twenty-six years and is now, in her own words, "saying yes to things," including dancing at weddings.
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